20 Deep Questions Happy Couples Keep Asking Each Other
Backed by over 40 years of research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman, these questions are designed to deepen connection, build trust, and keep love alive. Whether you're dating, married, or somewhere in between, these prompts can transform your relationship.
Past & Emotional Roots
What’s your best and worst memory from childhood?
Who made you feel most loved growing up—and how?
What did you believe about love before we met?
What role models for relationships did you have—good or bad?
How do you think your childhood shaped your view of intimacy today?
These help us understand each other’s emotional blueprint. And that’s where empathy begins.
Needs & Connection
What are your three biggest emotional needs in our relationship right now?
When do you feel most seen and supported by me?
Is there something I do that unintentionally hurts or stresses you out?
What’s one thing I could do more often that would make you feel loved?
What’s your favorite love language—and has it changed?
Asking is caring. Assuming leads to conflict.
Intimacy & Desire
What do you love most about our physical connection?
How can we make our sex life more fulfilling for both of us?
When do you feel most connected to me emotionally or physically?
Have you ever felt rejected or unwanted—and how can I do better?
These questions open the door to vulnerability without shame.
Trust & Boundaries
What would you consider truly unforgivable—and why?
Have I ever broken your trust, even in a small way?
How can we build a safe space where we both feel heard and respected?
These questions take courage—but they build unshakable trust.
Dreams, Fears, and Gratitude
Is there something keeping you awake at night that you haven’t told me yet?
What’s a dream you’ve always had but haven’t chased? What’s holding you back—and how can I support you?
What’s the best part about being with me?
It’s not just about solving problems—it’s about celebrating love in the everyday.
Final Thought
Relationships aren’t built in a day—they’re built through daily curiosity, connection, and compassion. Keep asking. Keep listening. Keep choosing each other.
"The happiest couples never stop being curious."
